Dear Josie

It's so hard to believe that just a week ago you were still inside of me, kicking away at my ribs, bouncing around on my bladder, making your daddy laugh every time you would hit a nerve and make me squeal. We have waited for your arrival for so long! Even though we were scared to death when we first found out about you and the the troubles I had early on, I've enjoyed every moment of being pregnant with you. You never made me sick, or uncomfortable and I'm so thankful for that. As you grew inside of me, I would lay on the couch and in bed every night just waiting for your first movements. You never were much of a mover, but when you did move it always made me smile! I've had a ball listening to the predictions that people had about whether you were going to be a boy or girl, and the reasons behind their thoughts! Your Mi-ma and Daddy kept saying you were going to be a boy, and deep down in my heart I knew all along that you were you. Your Daddy and I spent a lot of time thinking of the perfect names for you. Either way your name would have meant "God's Grace" because that is what you are to us... He has graced us with you and we thank Him for that all the time.

For the last three weeks of my pregnancy with you, I believe I was in early labor and didn't realize it. I knew I was having contractions off and on, and even knew that I was dilating and effacing from my appointments. Nobody seemed to know if you were going to come early or not, considering the contractions, and my Dr. said we were a ticking time bomb! I had planned on working right up until I knew it was time to quit, but Friday afternoon when I left work, I had no idea that was my last day for a while. Your daddy had been waiting patiently too, not leaving the office at work, making sure to always be close by, just being there in case it was 'time'. All this waiting around had made your daddy impatient, and your Daddy, Jenny and Uncle David had made plans way back for going swan hunting the morning that you were due. Honestly, we all expected you to be here by then, so when you hadn't arrived yet, I figured you would be late. After all - only five percent of babies are born on their due date, and even still, I was a late baby. So Jenny spent the night with us that night and we all went to bed pretty early since they had to leave about four in the morning. I was still having the same old contractions when we went to bed that night, and didn't think anything of it at all. Surprising I slept better that night than I had slept in a very long time. I woke when your Daddy kissed me goodbye that morning, and then back to sleep I went! It was about 10:00 before I woke up and Lily and I decided to finally roll out of bed. I felt so refreshed and was ready to clean the house one more time before your arrival! I cooked a bit of breakfast, poured a glass of Sunny D, and settled in on the couch watching Good Morning America. It was about 10:30 when something just didn't feel right anymore. My belly felt upset and off to the bathroom I ran! Then I realized, it wasn't just my belly! It was YOU! I had two pretty intense contractions before your Daddy called to check in on me, and at the time they were seven minutes apart. I didn't want to scare him, but I calmly told him he should start on his way home. After all, he was about two hours away... I decided to take a hot bath, hoping to ease a bit of the pain and after about 30 minutes I was back on the phone making sure they were ON THE WAY! The contractions had jumped to 2-3 minutes apart and I couldn't focus through the pain to do anything anymore. Your Me-ma came to get Lily pad and take care of a few things, and your Aunt Tiffany came to sit with me until your Daddy got home. Once they got here, in what seemed like forever, off to the hospital we went.

It was about 1pm by the time we got to the hospital and got a room. Things were mighty busy in there that Saturday. When the first nurse checked me, I was only dilated two centimeters and was 70% effaced. I told the nurse I'd been like that since my last Drs. appointment!!! Fifteen minutes later, when the midwife came in to check me, I was already a three and they decided to admit us. I was pretty much begging for some pain medication by then and after they administered the IV, was given Stadol, which is pretty much like morphine, but it made me very loopy! I totally lost any sense of time, and it didn't really take the edge off of the pain. After about an hour, my mind was back to normal, and I was in screaming pain. They kept telling us that they were about to move us to a new room, and I would get the epidural when we got in there. Three hours later we find out, an emergency call came in on rescue and they got our room! It was five o'clock when they finally came around and gave me the epidural. Thank goodness too! I was a little aphrehensive about having one, and was going to try to labor without it, but I guess my pain tolerance is not as I had hoped it was. Regardless, I was a completely different person after that, and since I couldn't feel the pain anymore I knew that you were about to come into this world and I could focus all my attention on that! It wasn't long after the epidural that they finally got a delivery room ready and they moved us down the hall. I don't know much of what went on during this time, but I remember your Daddy staring at the contraction monitor and giving me updates on the other ladies on the monitor. It sort of became a competition with room 316, but her contractions looked a lot stronger than mine...

Then it came time - 10cm! It was a little after eleven, but I'm not sure exactly. Daddy turned off the TV and we all got down to business. The lady across the hall was also in the pushing phase and the midwife, Gail, said she would have to be back and forth between the rooms. They said at first that the other lady was further along, but after just a few pushes I think she realized that I was so ready to see you I wasn't going to wait any longer! I'm not going to lie to you, that was hard work - the pushing, but watching the excitement in your Daddy's eyes and the constant updates on how much hair he could see was just that much more motivation to get you in my arms! It was finally time to meet you!

At 11:48pm, almost 13 hours after that first real contraction, they placed you on my belly for the very first time! You cried for just a few seconds and then you opened your eyes so wide and looked all around the room. I never knew just how fast I would fall in love with you. You looked so perfect to me. Every little finger, every little toe, perfect little ears, you had it all - and then as if we almost forgot the nurse asked your Daddy to tell me what you were. With a little hesitation either from excitement or just not being sure, he told me with a little squeal "It's a girl!" You've been Daddy's girl ever since! After your Daddy cut the cord, they took you to the scales where you weighed 7 pounds and 6 ounces! Then they measured you - 21 inches long! You scored a 9 on both of your APGAR tests and I was patched up in the meanwhile! By 12:30 I was ready for you to meet your Me-ma and Ma and Grandaddy! They had been waiting nearly all day in the lobby! After a little bit with them, I fed you for the first time and you locked your eyes with mine and stole my heart forever!

The next few days went by in a total blur... But I remember that you were such a perfect angel. You didn't cry, you didn't fuss, and you had the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. You were a little jaundice when I brought you home, and at your checkup, you had lost a little more weight than we had hoped for, but overall it was so surreal!

It's only been just a few days, and I know now that nothing is going to be the same. A very short nine months that you had been inside of me, making me laugh and cry, worry and smile and that has all changed now. You're not inside me safe and sound anymore, now you're here in this big bad world and we will worry about you till you're grown and then some. It's hard to concentrate on the now when we can dream about how great your future is going to be. Will you be a tomboy? Will you play sports? or music? How will your Daddy react to your first boyfriend??? All these things to find out... but for now, you're color is getting better, your eating more and more, you are more alert each day and in just a few minutes you'll be a week old already! I don't know where the time has gone! I don't know how I'm going to watch you grow up so fast! Right now all I can do is watch you in your Daddy's arms, sleeping like that perfect little angel you are. And all I know is this... You have changed my life forever, and I will love you forever.